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Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp
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Shepherding a Child's Heart is about how to speak to the heart of your child. The things your child does and says flow from the heart. Luke 6:45 puts it this way: "...out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Written for parents with children of any age, this insightful book provides perspectives and procedures for shepherding your child's heart into the paths of life.
In this revised edition of Shepherding a Child's Heart, Dr. Tedd Tripp not only draws on his thirty years experience as a pastor, counselor, school administrator, and father, but he also shares insights gained in many years of teaching this material in conferences worldwide, providing more valuable help for parents.
- Sales Rank: #16913 in eBooks
- Published on: 2011-07-22
- Released on: 2011-07-22
- Format: Kindle eBook
About the Author
Tripp draws on over twenty years of experience as a pastor, counselor, school administrator and father in giving valuable help to parents.
Powlison is the editor of the Journal of Biblical Counseling and a member of the faculty and counseling staff at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation in Glenside, Pennsylvania.
Most helpful customer reviews
207 of 225 people found the following review helpful.
Some Great Content With Some Not So Great Assertions
By Daniel May
Written in 1995 and revised in 2005, Shepherding a Child's Heart contains some truly timeless truths about children: they are sinners in need of Christ. With this foundational assumption, author Tripp lays out what he believes parents should do according to Scriptures in order to shepherd their children into loving submission under their Creator.
The first half of the book breaks down what Tripp believes to be "foundations for child rearing." In this section, he writes about short and long term goals in raising children and about methods, biblical and unbiblical, for accomplishing them. The second half of the book focuses on the stages of childhood and the objectives and techniques unique to each stage.
Much of this book is excellent. Discipline, the brunt of the book, is not punitive, but restorative. Tripp rightly clarifies that a child's disobedience is rebellion against God and against His command to honor and obey one's parents, and he urges parents to help their children understand this concept. Understanding this opens a door for parents to talk about grace and our need of Christ's supernatural strength to do what He calls us to do. The focus of discipline is not on changing behavior, but addressing a child's heart. The "why" of behavior is weighted far more heavily than the "what."
There are two major flaws in the book, in my opinion. The first is the lack of control that the author gives a child over his own life . Up until the teenage years, parents are urged to make all decisions and to assert authority simply to teach a child submission. Tripp maintains that "when we allow our children to become independent decision makers we give them a false idea of liberty and a mistaken notion of freedom." Even in things as trivial as what to eat for breakfast, Tripp urges parents not to allow children the ability to choose. To the opposition that children must learn to make sound decisions by making them under their parent's guidance, he replies that children learn to make good decisions by merely observing their parents doing so on their behalf. To that I say, baloney. This assertion is no more true than saying that a child will learn long division simply by watching the teacher work out problems on the board. Furthermore, it does not take into account a child's individual makeup. Some kids simply need to be more independent than others. To allow them choices within a parent's wishes is wisdom.
My other concern with Shepherding a Child's Heart is that Tripp preaches that spanking is the only real biblical form of corrective discipline. Not only does he equate time outs as emotional child abuse and groundings as useless and ineffective, he goes so far to write that "if you fail to spank, you fail to take God's Word seriously." His support of this is in the few Proverbs passages that tell parents to use the "rod." I do not have a personal problem with spanking and believe it can be used well and effectively, but I do take issue to the idea that it is the best and only biblical form of discipline. My problem with this is twofold. First, from my short topical study of Scriptures, the admonition to use the "rod" is only found in Proverbs. Elsewhere in the Old and New Testament are commands to discipline, but the form is never specified. A Proverb is simply not a Scriptural command, and to build a theology on one is ridiculous. To say that it is sinful not to spank based on a proverbial admonition also means that being afraid is sinful since Proverbs 3:25 says not to be afraid when wicked comes because God will take care of you. Furthermore, the fact that there is no correlating verse in the New Testament is concerning.
Secondly, you have the realism issue. What about foster children whom, at least in my state, are legally not allowed to be corporally punished? Some children who have suffered from child abuse simply should not be spanked. What about parents that were abused and cannot handle giving corporal punishments without going too far or without pretty significant emotional damage to themselves? What about children for whom spankings are just not as effective? I have one child who responds remarkably better to having certain privileges taken away than spankings. What about older children? Spanking is useful, but advocating it at the expense of other parental tools is not helpful - especially when you add in the insinuation that parents who choose otherwise are sinning.
In summary, I do recommend Shepherding a Child's Heart for its foundational insistence on the goals in parenting and a child's need of Christ, but only with the caveat that Tripp's views on authority and spanking are over the top. He tries to use Scripture to back his opinions up, but a couple of Proverbs and his personal assertions just don't cut it.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
A biblical mandate?
By Anna
Although Tripp makes a clear point that parents shouldn't focus so much on behavior, but rather on issues of the heart, I simply can't agree with the fact that he promotes corporal punishment. I know he focuses on this topic for just one chapter, but it is mentioned several times throughout the book, and he claims that a parent isn't obedient to God if he doesn't spank his child.
Yes, he advocates good communication too, and thinks that it is very important. For some that may be an eye-opener, I just think: yes, *of course* you need to communicate. And yes *of course* you need to look further than behavioral issues. I have a child with a mental disability - and due to that she has also behavioral problems. So I realised soon enough that I have to investigate a lot of time to find out how I can help her with issues that lie deeper than just behaviour. So often she needs *help* from me, not punishment.
--
But how 'biblical' is Tripp's practice of using the rod? In his opinion, mainly young children need a spanking when they are disobedient - for the older ones other measures are more appropriate.
Solomon lived in ancient Israel. In a time when beating fools, convicted people, servants (all of any age) and children (up to the age of adolescence) was common practice. If a son was rebellious and not willing to repent despite chastening by his parents, he would be stoned by force of the law (Deut 21:18-21).
So yes - in that time you could basically better get a harsh beating, if that would change your behaviour, than be stoned to death because of rebellion. Maybe that's what Proverbs 23:14 meant: "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell." The Hebrew word for what is called 'hell' here is 'sheol', which simply means 'the place of the death'. You don't want your child to die, so perhaps it's better to beat him, so he will repent. It's not likely that the beating will kill him. Stoning definitely will!
If you want to take these rod passages literally, and apply it to your children because you think that's what God expects of you, then accept the fact that you should beat your child with a rod on his *back* (not bottom) till he has bruises en bleeds (because that will cleanse away evil, Prov 20:30), and not just before he turns six or ten, but until the age of adolescense - just as long as he is under your care. Th�t's a literal application; and one that will probably land you in jail (and rightly so).
Otherwise, you are twisting the rod verses into something you think is acceptable in todays society (luckily not in mine, I live in the Netherlands where all corporal punishment is forbidden), but then again, don't force your interpretation of those verses unto people as a 'biblical mandate', for it is certainly not.
I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Interesting to think about the motivations behind the behaviors--not just ...
By DebiT
Interesting to think about the motivations behind the behaviors--not just trying to correct the behavior. I can see how a child would gain a lot more insight into their actions when you teach them to think about why they did something and whether or not that was a godly behavior.
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